100 Happy Days: Days 54-55

zentangle mandala - an open heart can embrace it all

Happy Day 54: Today my boundaries were stretched and I wasn’t sure whether or not I would snap.  I was talking with a friend, telling her about my experiences and she shared storied about about some of her challenges. A phrase that came up as we talked was ‘an open heart can embrace it all.’

I had offered love and support openly. I had offered to take on a big project to minimize a load. Initially my offer was accepted with gratitude and relief and I was happy to be able to help out. But then a day passed and there was time to think. The pretty shiny package that I had offered was pushed (or perhaps thrown) back at me and rejected – the bow wasn’t right.

It seems that multiple issues came together that led to a giant implosion. My reaching out shifted our relationship. Casual knowing at arms length was about to be pulled in closer. Trust was about to be put on the line.

Sadly it was all too much. Letting love in at all was challenging. Connecting this with the fact that I am gay proved too much. Add in at the same time working on project together long distance that would require trust and relinquishing control. It was all too much. I was rejected and pushed away.

I was left with a choice. Either I could be bitter and angry. Or, I could open my heart and feel compassion for her suffering and her contractedness that keeps her stuck there.

zentangle mandala - there is nothing wrong with a crooked arrow. It follows its own path.

Happy Day 55: We all enjoyed watching the movie Crooked Arrows together. It’s the classic root for the underdog sort of movie, but this time with a twist. The floundering coach and team that we are supposed to root for is being guided by Native American elders. We as viewers are offered the same lessons as the characters in the movie.

One of the lessons that really landed for me was ‘there is nothing wrong with a crooked arrow. It follows it own path.’

We are each imperfect (crooked). This does not mean that there is anything wrong with us. And it does not mean that we cannot succeed or reach our desired destination. It just means that we need to follow our own path and that it might be an indirect, crooked one.

 

 

Want to learn more about my happiness project? 100 Happy Days

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